Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
