Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Ketchup is God's man juice
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
