I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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