Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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