The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
