He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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