shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
