totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
