I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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