my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It was confusing and full of hummus
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
