his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
