So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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