You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
