i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
