Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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