So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
