His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
