My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
