My hand turned me down
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
