just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
