return my video game
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
