You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
