Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
