i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
