11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
