I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
false alarm, still single
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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