how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
