He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
