Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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