Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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