i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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