We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
