your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
