I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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