whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
