is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
