I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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