I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
