I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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