Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
