if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
