Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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