wat bout pragnant strippers??
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
