I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Randomize
