not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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