to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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