I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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