bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
