in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
