She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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